I have a new friend

Today, after awaking in a black and freezing pit yet again, I heard a voice cry down to me from the top of the well. It was Barry Shirley.

"I found a frog for you to play with," he said "His name is Anton. He's just as wriggly as can be! You two can have play time."

I felt the floor near my face and found the splattered, cold entrails of Anton where Barry had dropped him from the great height.

"Don't let anything happen to him, or your perineum will pay! Oh boy, that perineum of your sure will take a beating." and with that Barry Shirley skipped off giggling, not making it clear whether he'd killed Anton intentionally to doom my perineum.

I wish I'd never increased Barry Shirley's intelligence 37 times and taught him that word.