I have been informed by Captain Apehab... rather, he has helped me realize that I am still enjoying my cottony faux anus, and I must retract my recent request to have my organic anus returned to me. Also, I have realized that if I go into toxic shock because my fecal matter is bleeding through the sock and into my abdomen's muscular tissue, I wanted it to happen and it is my fault as it is the logical consequence for experimenting on innocent, playful apes.
While I am on the subject, I am incredibly grateful that the apes have allowed me internet access and a voice for my opinions, and I would never do anything to have that taken away from me, such as complain about my medical standards here at the bottom of this well.
Though, my back sure itches. Buttons and beetles, it sure does. I wish I had something long and sharp to scratch it with.
If you are by any chance near the industrial quadrant of Chicago's Pilsen neighborhood and have access to something long enough to impale a humanoid body on, please take a moment to visit the neighborhood's many unmarked industrial wells. I'm not sure which one I'm in, but if you could just start tossing large spearlike things into them, you would be helping me relieve a great burden.
Please kill me.
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